My July 4th

I finally had my last unpleasant July 4th.  Maybe I’ll be gone before the next one, so as not to test it.

By unpleasant I mean brutalizing, terrifying, PAINFUL, this time, a crunching nerve pain that felt like my whole shot nervous system was chewing up my body from outside in.

It took all day yesterday to recover.  It always scares me when I can’t get up.  Finally I got up early this morning to the early sunshine here and took a drive to McDonald’s to get a breakfast sandwich, and got one for my son also, and a hot coffee for me and an iced coffee for him.  (He is learning some mad skills at this later point in the day.)  He was still in bed.  This was when the healing started.

(The problem is that on July 2nd I had an abortion, on July 3rd we celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary, and then for July 4th we drove to San Francisco and took pictures of fireworks from our motel window.  On july 5th, the drive back, all was lost.  I felt the life ebbing from me and until RIGHT NOW I never recovered.

Now I figure I did what I could for those two poor kids under the circumstances and, with a little reservation as to this SECOND ABORTION, I begin to feel I can let it all go.

I never realize it about July 4th until it is already upon me.  Awhile ago I started taking count a few days before, but it only made it worse.

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