Back to the cat-god

Egyptians believed that cats were gods.  Edgar Allen Poe attributed to them strange powers.  They are associated with witchcraft.  In my life I have come to see that cats do seem to have certain powers over us.

I don’t know whether there is also a horse-god or a dog-god, or a wasp-god, but I do know that my present experience of the last 48 hours leaves me wondering whether the mother of that kitten I abused in college, now dead, left a lasting spell on me.

He was abandoned by the side of the road, a stray, but of noble bearing.  His mother didn’t leave him there, his owners did.  I wonder what happened to them?

I have been up for the last two days with unbearable discomfort in my crotch–I have bad nerves in my clitoris.  This comes partly from injury but also partly from consequently masturbating.  The masturbation got out of hand during my life.  I masturbated next to that little kitten.  Now my clitoris, already damaged, is keeping me up at night.  A terrible bout with it last night, queasy all day in that area, now it’s after four in the morning; after sleeping most of the day I stayed up late, and then still couldn’t sleep.  I laid down and did stretches to soothe the area.  Now I have taken extra Klonopin and taken my m0rming meds, which include Prolixin and Lamictal, a neur0logical drug.  These help the feeling of confusion in that area.

I was thinking, I wish I could go back.  To before I had the abortion and went away with my husband; but this leaves my son stranded.  I’m thinking now, I wish I could go back and not do that stupid and unthinkable thing with a little kitten.

Dumber than dirt.

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